11 Unspoken Rules Of Online Dating Etiquette
You know the dating scene has taken some twists and turns since online dating has hit center stage. If you’re one of the good guys, how are you supposed to know the online dating etiquette rules?
If you’re looking for answers — I’ve got em! There are things you need to know so you don’t appear, like a jerk, needy or entirely aloof. Especially if you’ve been off the dating circuit for a while.
Being married for the past 10 years can throw you for a loop when you start dating again. It’s a whole different world. Or even if you’ve never done much online dating. There’s a lot to learn and there are some rules of online dating etiquette.
#1 The first online dating etiquette tip is to give people plenty of time to respond.
You know how to farm, or at least understand it, and country life takes time. If you are hoping to get a text or phone call in the next five minutes, you can get excited, I get it— But giving someone a little more time is the right thing to do.
A few hours or at the end of the workday is appropriate, especially if you’re dirty and your hands are full or baby chicks or hay bales. Farmers don’t always have time to pick up the phone when you want them too.
Women and men are often busy especially if you live in a rural area. There’s always a lot to do. So if you expect someone to respond in 30 seconds, you’re just spinning your mental tractor wheels.
#2 Respond within a full day, please.
Even if you’re busy if you take more than 24 hours to respond to a text or a call, the person on the other end will think you’re not interested. Or they may assume you’ve got some other more critical or hotter “fish” on the line.
This rule applies to emails, texting and phone calls. If you’re not interested, you can let them know, or you can choose to “ghost” someone too. Ghosting is when someone just falls off the face of your earth. They were there, then poof. Nothing.
Ghosting is a bummer sometimes, but in the online dating world is part of life. It’s something you’ll get used to (eventually). At first, it’s shocking, but it happens more often than not.
#3 Let Google be your friend.
It’s OK to do a little private eye investigating on your potential date. Many times you can even type in your date’s first name, and their town in Facebook and their name may pop up.
You may find them on Facebook, Instagram or Linkedin. I’m not sure how many farmers are on Linkedin, but there are probably at least a few on Facebook. If they live in your town, don’t be afraid to ask friends if they know anything about your potential date.
Being a PI can save you time. If someone is catfishing you online, and you find their photo isn’t their photo on the dating app (some people still wiggle their way through)— you’ve also saved yourself some emotional drama.
#4 Don’t wait too long before you meet.
Unless you both want pen pals, and that’s not what most people are looking for. When you’re online, don’t you want to meet someone in real life? That’s when the fun can really start!
If you live far away and you need to make plans to travel to see each other, that’s a little different. Sometimes it takes a while for your schedules time to match up. However if you just live down the road, there’s no excuse. (OK if your cow is having a baby, that’s a pretty good one), but other than that, meet up for at least 30 minutes.
Meeting within a week or two is an excellent idea if you can swing it. Even though you get along great via text or phone calls you’ll never really know how well you click until you meet in person. You’ve got to make sure you like how the other person smells and kisses!
#5 Don’t be a faker.
This starts with your profile. Even if you’ve gained a couple of pounds, lost your hair or have some grey ones now— be yourself. Do be your best self, and also put up current photos within the last year.
If you don’t have any good photos of yourself, get some done ASAP. Getting some high-quality photos isn’t hard nowadays. Someone you know has a camera on their phone. We’ve got a special report here for men that can help you with the best online dating profile tips.
No High-school pics of your super-fit, non-beer drinking days, please. Same goes for the ladies! If you like someone and they want to meet you, they’re going to know your photos are from 1995, and not today.
That kind of thing is pretty apparent when you meet up IRL.
#6 Be real in your bio.
When it comes to your online dating etiquette, your profile also needs to be as real as possible. Or someone could think you’re involved in online romance scams.
Talk about your passions, what you do, what you bring to the table and what you’re looking for. If you want to get married, don’t put “looking for something casual”!
If you want something casual, don’t lead a person on by pretending to want to get married and have 5 babies in the next 7 years. Be yourself, but put your best boot forward. Be real and don’t say and do things just to get some action or you think the other person wants to hear it.
#7 Don’t send D*#@ picks.
I’m not sure why, but there are a few men out there that think most women want to see pictures of their junk. There are a few ladies that may want to look at what you’ve got going on ASAP, but i”m guessing that percentage of the female population is about .0001%.
So if you don’t want to push a woman away quick, just don’t do it. If a lady wants to get to know you and likes you, you’ll get to show it to her your stuff eventually. If you’re putting it out there for all the world to see, she’s gonna wonder— how many other women have this same photo in their camera roll?
Sending risque pics before you’ve ever met is plain bad manners. Get to know someone and make sure they’re even into that kind of sexy texting before you do it. If you haven’t met— you also don’t really know who you’re sending it to.
That sexy fit blonde may not be so fit, may not be blonde and could even be a man. So watch who you send pics to. When you put your picture out there, it could be seen in the pub or even shared online! Do you want yourself to be XXX online?
#8 Don’t ask women for sexy pics.
One of the most annoying things a man can do is send a photo of himself right away. Women know you’re hoping to get a picture in return. Sometimes you won’t even get a response back. You may think you’re being smooth, but we’re onto you guys!
We know what you’re thinking, we’ve got guy friends too. We know when you send a pic, you’re not doing it out of the kindness of your heart. You want something.
When you’re talking with a woman online, and you haven’t even met yet, and start asking her for photos, it can be annoying and seem invasive.
Whenever guys have asked me for photos too early on in the game, I take screenshots of the pictures I have in my online dating profile and send those. I know they’ve already seen them and the joke’s on them.
#9 Don’t assume your conversation is going to lead to long-term or anything else.
When you’re getting to know someone, just assume is it’s not a yes. It’s either a no or a maybe. That’s how things are in the beginning.
Online dating has its perks (there are plenty!). But just because a person is responding to you now, it doesn’t mean they’ll be there tomorrow. They could be “killing time.” This may sound harsh, but it’s true.
Or your online convo may stay online. If you are genuinely interested in the person, it’s proper online dating etiquette to ask for their number. There’s no need to wait a month to have a verbal conversation.
#10 Don’t get into the “pen-pal zone.”
Many men miss out on connecting with good women because they’re afraid to call a gal. When men actually call a woman in today’s world, it speaks volumes. You are taking the time to get to know her, and she’ll appreciate it. You’ll stand out from all the boys, gentlemen!
When you’re strictly texting, it can be fun, but things get lost in translation so many times. My best friend and I had an argument via text one time, and we didn’t speak for a month. Becuase of it. We were both misunderstandings each other.
If we would have connected on the phone the things we said via text probably wouldn’t have gotten misinterpreted. But everyone has bumps in the road. We got over them and you can learn to get over yours too.
Phone calls are connecting, and if you feel nervous dialing or picking up a call you’re letting your fear hold you back, and this isn’t proper dating etiquette at all. Eat your fear for supper and pick up the phone.
#11 Put the fun in the front seat.
Instead of fear running the show, let fun be at the forefront of your every dating move. This will make the other person feel great about you and want to get to know more about you. Of course, serious topics can come up— diversity is good in relationships.
But being heavy handed with your conversation and talking about politics, or speaking ill of your ex can bring a feeling of ick to any flirting. Flirting is supposed to be fun, and you can learn to embrace the unknown with playfulness.
If every interaction were set in stone, life and love would be boring. So be playful and connect with your new potential boo with a phone call!
Dina Colada is dating coach who has appeared on MSN, YourTango and Women’s Health. She helps singles date the smart way. Get her free love-attracting book and audio tracks at DinaColada.com
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